The Carousel
By Clara Zane
She wandered into the empty field and let out a harsh breath
at its stark emptiness. Her life all but ended here, and only dirt and weeds
remained. Tears, ones she didn't think she still had, stung her eyes. What did
this prove? He was gone. He was gone and would never be back. She couldn't do
anything to change that.
But she couldn't leave. Not yet.
She wore thick boots, but the ground felt ice cold as she
crossed the field. She shivered, but pushed past it and continued towards the
middle, towards the spot. She couldn't help but notice the grass hadn't grown
back. Would it ever?
Any sign of his demise had been dashed away with the
carnival. She stopped and closed her eyes, letting the past wash over her. The
memories, the sensations, the smells, and the sounds bathed her. Unseen crowds
pushed around her; the scent of popcorn, fried dough, and grilled meats wafted through
the air; the excited screams and laughs coming from the rides and games erupted
through the field. It all seemed so real that her eyes flickered open, and she
fully expected to find herself in the middle of the busy carnival, just as it
had been last summer. But of course that didn't happen; it existed only in her
mind, her memories.
A shimmer blossomed from the dead grass where the carousel
had sat, where David had died, a victim of an unfortunate slip from too much
beer sloshing in his gut. She stared at the spot and watched as the
rainbow-colored circular contraption, packed full of plaster zoo animals,
solidified in front of her. She blinked a half-dozen times, rubbed her eyes,
but found it still standing in front of her.
The recorded music, like an old music box, sounded on the
breath of a breeze. The colorful horses, zebras, camels, and all the rest began
their constant undulation. She stared, transfixed. Nothing else in the empty
field moved. She wasn't sure if she wanted to step forward to check if the
carousel really was solid, or stand still and believe it was only a part of her
imagination, her grief.
And then she saw the hippopotamus David had fallen off of.
It bounced around the edge of the carousel, empty as all the others. She kept
her eye on it until it disappeared around the back. When it appeared again, she
gasped and crumpled to her knees. David sat on its back, waving at her, just as
he'd done that fateful evening. When he floated around the back, already
starting to slip, she wasn't sure if she wanted him to continue around or not.
He'd fall this time. She'd see it all again, and she wasn't sure she could
handle it.
She didn't have to. When the hippopotamus emerged from the
back, he wasn't there. She choked back a sob, and whispered his name. The
slight breeze returned, and this time his voice tickled her ear. A moan left
her lips, and then she saw him, standing where he'd fallen. He looked just as
she remembered him. She couldn't fight her first instinct, which was to rush at
him. He opened his arms, and she knew she'd pass right through him, as he was
nothing but a memory, a figment of her overactive imagination, hyped up by this
setting.
But she didn't. He was as solid as ever. And he still had his
wonderful scent of menthol cigarettes and Aqua Velva. She tried to say
something, anything, but no words would come. He, too, uttered nothing. All she
could do was silently sob in his arms for days, hours, minutes, seconds. She
had no idea which, but however long it was, it wasn't enough.
She had no idea what would happen next. Would he disappear?
Would he remain here with here forever? Could she go with him wherever he was
headed? She looked up into his face and saw his phantom tears, but also a
smile. He tilted his head, and gave her a crooked smile she knew well. It spoke
of a coming adventure, and if she wanted to join him. She tried to scream
"Yes!" but again she couldn't get a sound out. He would have no
problem understanding her emphatic nod.
She felt light-headed for a few seconds, and then the
carnival, more grand than she remembered, rose around her. David, no longer a
ghost, at least not to her, still held her in his arms. "I missed
you," he said.
She found her words at last. "I missed you, too. What
happened?"
"I don't know. But you're here with me now."
She smiled. "I am. I'm never leaving you, and you have
to promise me you'll say the same."
He kissed her forehead, said, "I have no problem with
that," and then moved his lips to hers.
They dimmed away with the carnival, leaving only her mortal
coil behind. She didn't miss it.
I particularly like the smells & sights of the fairground she conjured up
ReplyDeleteWow. That was a powerful act of will. Here's hoping David has a better handle on the booze, over on the other side.
ReplyDeleteIt's better than a light at the end of the tunnel.
ReplyDeletePowerful, touching, and written well. Enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteSte willed herself to join him. That's sweet and lovely. The images are lovely, too.
ReplyDeleteSuch a touching story. ^_^
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story. At first, I wondered if she was the one who was dead. Reading through to the end, I just had to wait for her to leave her mortality behind. What an act of love and devotion. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteAw, what a lovely story :)
ReplyDeleteSuper vivid! Given what place carnivals have in contemporary mythology, I think there was more to David's demise, and certainly to hers, than just slipping off the back of a carousel hippo.
ReplyDelete